


Exploring The Heart

by MistWorld



Category: Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-06-19 07:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 15,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15505053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistWorld/pseuds/MistWorld
Summary: Travelling a world filled with monsters and magic is dangerous and difficult, but it has its good moments too. These are oneshots about the time when Emil's and Richter's paths crossed, original and alternate storyline.





	1. Mercy

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna write more Emil x Richter fanfiction 'cause there isn't nearly enough of it, so here are some oneshots. Not all of these oneshots are about the romantic aspect of their relationship. This first one is a twist on events from the video game.
> 
> I will update whenever I get a new idea.
> 
> Tales of Symphonia is not mine.

Emil held his sword tightly with both hands while stepped away from the monster to catch his breath. It was no longer bouncing up and down, just lying on the ground without moving.

_Did... did I really do that?_

"That's enough for now," Richter said as he walked towards the blue creature.

From the corner of his eye Emil saw him draw his weapons to finish the monster. He looked at the polwigle again. So frail and helpless as it looked, he felt guilty for hurting it. He always thought that monsters were scary, but this was wrong. The poor thing was too weak to even protect itself.

Richter did not seem to be merciful; his weapons were crossed above his head, like he was ready to strike.

_I can't let him do this!_

"Stop!" Emil yelled, throwing himself in between Richter and the monster to stop the attack. It was a dangerous move, but it was the only idea he could come up with.

Frowning, Richter lowered his weapons.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a snarl. "Move."

"No!"

"We don't have time for this, Emil. Now get out of the way. I don't mean for you to get hurt, but if you keep interfering you leave me no choice."

The threat didn't get Richter what he wanted. Rather than moving away from the polwigle, Emil got on his knees and sat next to it. He reached out to touch the polwigle's smooth skin and began to pet the monster carefully. The polwigle's eyes opened slowly to look at him, but its body did not move.

Emil smiled and put his other hand in his pocket. He moved his fingers around for a bit and then pulled out his hand, holding some apple gel he had found after his battle with the bear outside the cave. When he offered it to the polwigle, it seemed to hesitate yet ate the gel anyway. Within seconds the polwigle was bouncing again.

"There you go," Emil said. "Now bounce along, little buddy."

The polwigle flicked its tail and got moving. Once it was out of sight, Richter turned to Emil again.

"Why did you do that?" He didn't sound angry, just confused. "I thought you were afraid of monsters."

"I am," Emil confirmed. "But that doesn't mean I want to hurt them. I only fought because you said I needed practice. There's no point in killing it if it's already too weak to do anyone harm."

"You say that now, but eventually you may find yourself in a situation where you don't have a choice." He took a moment to adjust his glasses. "Come on, we need to get going. If we don't hurry Marta will be gone before we can as much catch a glimpse of her."

"Right!"

They walked further into the cave and Emil felt proud of himself for showing mercy to a creature that he was usually afraid of. Richter may have thought he made the wrong decision, but he wanted to follow the righteous path.


	2. Age

Amidst all the chaos and endless questing, that seemed to end disastrously even after all the research Richter had conducted, Emil had not forgotten about the important day that was coming up. In less than a week from now it'd be Richter's birthday, which the half-elf refused to celebrate, but after some coaxing and pushing he had agreed on delaying their next quest to enjoy some time off.

Emil was making plans and preparations to make sure this year would be the best birthday ever for his favourite redhead and mentor. Richter had taught him so much, he had to repay him one way or another.

But during the preparations Emil started to think and realised how little he knew about Richter. Not that he expected to know each of Richter's secrets, but there were a couple things he wanted to ask.

And he was finally brave enough to do that.

"Richter?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think you ever told me your age," Emil said.

Richter's left eyebrow arched up. "Why would I? It's not of great importance to you or anyone else."

"That's not true! It is important, to me."

"Age is just a number, Emil. It doesn't mean a thing."

Emil couldn't argue with that, because he knew Richter was right. Elves and half-elves were known for living far longer than humans, sometimes hundreds of years. For all he knew Richter could have been ninety years old when they met (or even older). It's not polite to ask someone about their age, but he really wanted to know. Because it was about Richter.

He just wanted to know more about him.

"Not to say you're wrong, but don't you think it's strange to celebrate someone's birthday when you don't know how old they are?" he asked.

Richter whipped his hair back and shrugged. "I didn't want to celebrate it to begin with."

"So I don't have the right to know? How am I supposed to make you a birthday cake if I don't have a clue what your age is? Do I just have to guess and hope that I'm not thirty years off?"

Emil knew he sounded like a brat, but Richter's unwillingness to cooperate was so irritating. All he wanted was to help Richter celebrate his birthday properly. To show him it wasn't that bad. To prove he could have fun.

"I'm not doing this because I want to force you," he went on. "I only want you to have a good time for once. It's been a year since we met and I have only heard you laugh twice. There's got to be a way to make you happy again."

"This has nothing to do with happiness," Richter said curtly. "None of this is your concern."

That only made things worse.

"What do I have to do to make you trust me? You never talk about your feelings, you always mock my ideas. I'm the one who had to get out of his shell, but you're still in there, hiding from me.

"How can I ever get to know you when you don't let me in? You're always pushing me away. If you don't want me around you should tell me!"

"Enough!"

It didn't happen often that Richter got so mad he raised his voice, only on rare occasions. But this time Emil understood that he had taken it too far by rambling on and on without considering how it made Richter feel.

Contrary to what he said, he was forcing Richter. He'd even thrown a tantrum and acted sickingly spoiled.

There were at least a dozen reasons to be ashamed.

Like Emil, Richter was thinking about the consequences of his words as much as Emil's. It wasn't that he didn't want to get closer to Emil, but he had his doubts about the importance of trivial information like someone's age.

But if Emil wanted so badly to find out, he couldn't think of a reason not to tell him.

"Twenty-one."

Emil looked at Richter and tilted his head.

"What?"

"That's the number you can put on my birthday cake," Richter explained. "And also..."

In a brief moment of tenderness, Richter put his hands on Emil's shoulders to pull him close and gave him a chaste kiss on the forehead. He pulled back with a discreet smile.

"I do want you around," he finished while he let go. "I'm just not a man of words."

Emil blushed and smiled back as if to show that he understood. He was embarrassed by the unusual affection, but proud of Richter for opening himself up to another. And most of all, Emil was happy, for many reasons.

"Alright then," he said. "I better get started on that birthday cake."

They both snickered.


	3. Mixed Feelings

Everything Richter did was out of hatred. The years he travelled, fighting monsters, joining the vanguard and fetching items for whoever had information about Ratatosk; it was all to avenge Aster's death.

But now he was travelling with Emil, Ratatosk's conscience, trapped inside Aster's body with memories made of lies. How did it turn out like that? What did he ever do to deserve that cruel fate?

_Haven't I already suffered enough, Ratatosk?_

_I will kill you, even if it's the last thing I do._

"Are you alright Richter?" Emil asked, looking worried. He had seen the fury in Richter's eyes, but had no clue where it suddenly came from. "Maybe we should take a break. We've been searching for that Balacruf Tombstone for a while now."

"I'm fine. Let's keep moving."

"Are you sure? You know we can-"

"I said I'm fine," Richter repeated. His voice was cold as ice as he spoke.

"I-I'm sorry..."

Emil's apology evoked pity for him. Richter sighed and kept walking, unsure of the feelings that got a hold on him. He knew Emil was another part of Ratatosk and that he was not supposed to pity him, but something in the way Emil looked at him and apologized was cute. And Richter couldn't stand that.

"Hey, don't apologize. I'm not angry at you."

"You're not?" Emil sounded as surprised as he looked. "But then something must be bothering you. You don't have to talk about it, but if you want to I will be there to listen. I promise!"

Another sigh.

_Don't make this harder for me than it is already._

Richter didn't know what to say so he moved along. His hatred for Ratatosk was too strong to forgive him for what he'd done to Aster, but Emil had nothing to do with that. Emil was the innocent part of Ratatosk who wouldn't forgive himself for taking the life of a friendly person like Aster. Emil was the part that gave Richter mixed feelings about his enemy. And during their journey together those mixed feelings were going to give Richter a tough time.


	4. Talents

On a cold night in spring Emil and Richter sat by a campfire in the middle of the plains. The moon was clear and bright, but it was too dark and too dangerous to keep travelling.

Emil was keeping an eye on the stew in the pot hanging above the fire. Richter had discovered that Emil always hummed while he was cooking and that the sound had a calming effect on him. The smell coming from the stew was making him hungry too.

"Have you been cooking meals for a long time?" Richter asked.

"I guess. After Lloyd killed my parents I had to move in with aunt Flora and uncle Alba in Luin and sometimes they sent me to bed without dinner. My mom left me cookbooks that I used to make my own meals. Cooking is fun once you get the hang of it."

"I see."

Emil smiled brightly. He was happy that Richter was interested in him.

"What about you, Richter? How is your cooking?"

"I can't say," Richter admitted, being embarrassed. "I've never cooked a meal in my entire life."

"W-what? You must be joking!"

When he saw Richter shaking his head, Emil became even more surprised. A grown man who had travelled all over the land didn't know how to cook himself a simple meal. It was unbelievable.

"But what have you been eating all this time then? You can't live on raw food and gels only."

"I was travelling with a friend who was in charge of all the food," Richter explained. "He's good at cooking, so I let him do his thing."

What Richter said made a lot more sense. Emil had travelled with Marta for a couple of months, but he had always been in charge of the cooking. He could have given Marta more chances to cook yet didn't want to take any risks. The only thing that was more likely to get him killed than fighting was eating Marta's meals for multiple days in a row.

No way he'd say that to Marta though. She may have been a short and skinny girl, but she had a fierce and outgoing personality that occasionally scared Emil. If he complained about her cooking she would bite his head off.

 _Marta..._  Emil thought while biting his lip.  _I still don't know what to tell her when I get back. She'll be mad at me for sure so I need to find something to soothe her._

"Emil, it smells like something is burning."

"Oh no!"

In his panic Emil tried to remove the pot from the fire, forgetting that it was too hot to touch with his bare hands. He yelped as the heat scorched his skin and pulled his hands back.

"Ouch, that hurt..."

Richter tried to stifle a laugh, but couldn't. When he saw Emil's eyes brimming with tears from the pain, he quieted down and carefully put his hands around Emil's to examine them. The skin was red and swollen, nothing too bad. He had to be able to heal it using his artes.

And so he did. Holding one hand above Emil's he began to mutter the words to cast one of his healing artes. A faint blue glow became visible between their hands. Soon the redness began to fade until Emil's hands looked normal again.

Magic still impressed Emil. He hardly saw Marta cast spells because he'd be too busy fighting at the frontline, warding off monsters while Marta got his back. Seeing it with his own eyes was exciting. It made him a little jealous. All of his artes were physical attacks, but he wanted to have the ability to cast spells too.

"Richter, can you teach me to use magic?"

"What?" There was a pause as Richter thought. "I... no. That would be a terrible idea."

"But why?"

"You wouldn't be able to handle it. Magic is hard to control and I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Emil's face got red.

"I can take care of myself!" he stammered unconvincingly. "Please, just teach me one simple spell. That's all I ask. If you want I can teach you how to cook in return."

A sigh followed, but it didn't come from Emil. Richter let go of Emil's hands and rubbed his forehead with his fingers, like he was struggling to find the right words to say. His eyes were screwed shut.

"Everyone has their own talents," Richter said, "and it's better to keep it that way. It's what makes it essential to work together.

"And I'd much rather eat your cooking than my own."

The redness grew brighter and took over Emil's entire face. Richter had another talent: saying things that made Emil's heart beat faster and swell with happiness. They always came at unexpected moments and that intensified the feeling all the more. Emil would be more than happy to pour his heart into every meal he prepared. Loving Richter was his hidden talent.


	5. Thoughts

After their meeting at Hakonesia peak, Emil and Richter would meet up in Asgard where Richter would make preparations for their quest to retrieve the Balacruf Tombstone. Emil didn't understand what Richter was trying to do, but he was happy to spend time with him. It's been long since they last travelled together.

Richter was a smart guy with connections all over the land. In Asgard he had made an agreement with the mayor so he could explain his plan to Emil in private. Marta was to be taken care of, so Emil didn't have to worry about her. It was all planned out.

Emil admired Richter's ability to take literally everything into account.

_He's such a cool guy. I wish I could be more like him._

The mayor had given him instructions to head to the inn and Emil went there in a hurry. Richter was waiting for him in one of the rooms upstairs. When the door opened, Richter turned around.

"So you came after all," he said. "I thought you had changed your mind."

Richter didn't show any emotion as he spoke, so it was hard to tell if he was happy or disappointed that Emil came. Emil assumed the former because of all the time Richter had put into making the arrangements. He nodded.

"It was tricky," he told the redhead. "Marta wanted to know what I'm up to and she was mad when I refused to tell her."

"I see."

"..."

"What is it?" Richter asked as he caught Emil staring at him.

"You're always so cool and collected, I can never tell what you're thinking about."

Emil wasn't sure what kind of response he expected, but it came as a surprise to him when Richter suddenly stepped forward and cupped his face. Next thing he knew, Richter's lips pressed against his gently. It lasted for just a few seconds, but it was long enough for Emil to close his eyes.

The leather of Richter's glove felt cold against Emil's skin. When he realised he was no longer being kissed, Emil opened his eyes again.

"Richter..."

"Can you tell what I'm thinking now?"

Emil could only stutter unintelligibly, his face becoming redder than a tomato. His mind was a mess with all of his thoughts intertwining and untangling, until Richter kissed him a second time. At that point, Emil had forgotten everything and he was fine with that. He didn't want to think anymore.


	6. Keeping Warm

The nights were colder than Emil remembered and even in the comfy bed at the cozy inn, he kept shivering. In Palmacosta, the weather was often warm and sunny, so as a child he had never gotten used to the cold. Now that he was older he hoped that he could take it like a man, but so far it didn't seem to work out.

Next to him sat Richter, who was too busy taking off his gloves and reading an ancient document to see Emil shiver. He seemed completely unaffected by the cold. His eyes were narrow as he read the vague inscriptions and tried to understand what it all meant.

Emil pulled the covers up to his mouth while he peeked at the redhead. Aqua had told him to meet up with Richter without telling him what Richter needed him for. They didn't talk much when he arrived either, but he could tell from the look in Richter's eyes that his mind was elsewhere and not wanting to disturb him, Emil kept quiet until Richter had figured it out.

An hour had passed without any words exchanged. It felt like it had gotten colder in the meantime, but maybe Emil was just too sensitive to the cold. And without anything to distract himself it was hard not to think about it.

When his entire face disappeared under the covers, Richter glanced up.

"What are you doing?" he asked. He laid the document down on the nightstand, next to his gloves.

"Nothing!"

But Emil's immediate answer didn't satisfy him. Richter got up from his own bed and walked to Emil's. With both hands he grabbed the covers and pulled them off. He didn't notice anything strange right away, but then he saw the goosebumps on Emil's arms.

"You're cold..."

It wasn't that weird, considering what Emil was wearing. His outfit was sleeveless and the fabric was very thin, made for significantly warmer environments than where they were now. He had a scarf, but it hardly made a difference.

"Why didn't you put on something more appropriate for these weather conditions?"

"I'm sorry," Emil said. "I didn't know we'd be staying here for so long."

Richter nodded and took a moment to think. He didn't have anything Emil could wear and the innkeeper already informed him that they were experiencing some technical difficulties, which made it harder to keep all of the rooms warm.

"Luck isn't on our side right now. The weather has been like this for weeks."

"You look like you don't mind it at all," Emil commented.

"I can stand it, but even I will get cold at some point."

Emil pulled the covers back while he thought of a way to keep them both warm. It was noon which meant that temperatures would be dropping tremendously once it was dark outside. By nighttime it'd be freezing for sure. He could already see his own puffs of breath in the air, even inside.

"Do you need an extra blanket?" Richter offered suddenly.

"B-but we don't have any other blankets and you'll need yours too."

"We could share them."

"What do you mean?" Emil asked.

Richter did not answer that. Instead he walked to his own bed and lifted the thick blanket, carrying it to Emil's bed. As he laid it down on top of the other blanket Emil already began to feel warmer.

"Better?"

Emil smiled and nodded, but his smile disappeared when Richter's hands slid under the covers on the right side of the bed. He looked at Richter, confused and waiting for an explanation.

But there was none. His questions were answered by the act of Richter slipping into his bed without a word of warning. The solution was very effective, because Emil's body was already heating up from being so close to Richter. His face flushed when Richter put an arm around him and pulled him even closer.

"How's this?" he said monotonously. He seemed unfazed by it all.

All Emil could do was nod and bury his face into the pillow in shame. When Richter saw this he chuckled and rubbed his back in a gentle manner. For someone who came across as cold and distant, he enjoyed cuddling. Only with Emil, but he'd rather not say it out loud. There was no need to talk at a time like this, so Richter just held Emil tighter.

The silence allowed them to listen to each other's heartbeats and Emil was quite surprised to find that Richter's heart was racing as fast as his. After some time it quieted down, turning into a rhythmic and comforting drum. Eventually Emil and Richter fell into a deep slumber and kept each other warm until morning.


	7. Find You

During his journey with Marta and Tenebrae, Emil had begun to notice a pattern in his encounters with Richter. They ran into each other at moments most inconvenient, but always when Emil and Marta were separated for a short period of time. He used to believe it was just a coincidence until it had happened so many times that he knew it was fate.

Richter was like a mentor to him. He had taught him to stand up for himself, showed him how to fight and gave him instructions on things he never thought he'd have to do. It was why he was mostly glad when he bumped into Richter somewhere and why he found it painful to part with him. They travelled as companions, but at the end of each quest Richter would insist they were enemies.

Every time they said goodbye Emil worried he wouldn't be able to travel with Richter again.

But they found each other again, time after time.

When Emil and the others defeated Richter at the Ginnungagap it was the last time Emil saw Richter. He was freed by Ratatosk and returned to the human world to reunite with his friends while Richter stayed behind to help Ratatosk save that same world. It was their final goodbye.

That's what Emil thought, but he was wrong. Because even though it seemed impossible, Richter found him again.

Only this time, he wasn't going to let Emil go.


	8. Gone

Richter announced while eating breakfast that he was going on a journey back to Asgard, where he had to meet with a certain ex-professor from Sybak to discuss some important matters. He had to go alone and expected to be back by the end of the week, so Emil had to travel by himself for the time being. When Emil asked about it he didn't get any details, just a snarl that it didn't concern him. Richter didn't speak to him for the rest of the morning and got the tools and equipment he needed.

Emil was upset. He didn't like it that Richter was keeping secrets from him and disappearing for a couple days. But what hurt the most wasn't that Richter didn't entrust him with the details. It was that he was angry at Emil for asking any questions about it. Apparently it was top secret and Richter did not deem it necessary to tell Emil anything. It was a valid reason to be suspicious.

And that was exactly what kept Emil and Richter separated for the rest of the day. Emil still cooked them both meals but would not bother waiting for Richter to sit down and eat with him. He knew it wasn't going to happen, but that didn't bother him. He was glad he didn't have to talk to that grumpy half elf. Better yet, he didn't have to talk to him for a whole week.

When the night came and Emil got ready for bed, he hadn't said a word. Nothing. He rolled himself into the blanket he had brought without wishing Richter goodnight and pretended to be asleep. In truth he couldn't sleep, but he wanted Richter to believe he didn't care about his leaving.

* * *

When Richter left the next day he saw Emil sleeping peacefully and so he walked off quietly. He began his journey to Asgard with a small amount of supplies (mostly gels and herbs) and his usual equipment.

Travelling without Emil felt odd after months of constantly having him by his side. There weren't going to be any cooked meals aside from his own, if he decided to take the risk of poisoning himself like he almost did to Emil the last time. Aqua had returned to the Ginnungagap along with Tenebrae and the other centurions, so he had no one to talk to.

The journey was silent and encounters with monsters were rare now that the balance had been restored. Ratatosk allowed Richter to return after his job was done as he had grown fond of the redhead and saw his affection for Emil. That affection was hard to find after the fight Richter and Emil recently had, but it was still there.

Richter still loved Emil. And now that he alone and far away, he finally understood why Emil didn't talk to him the other day. It all made sense.

By nightfall he set up a camp and warmed himself by a fire for a little while. He had no appetite despite his travels and went to sleep without eating anything. As long as Emil was on his mind he didn't feel like doing anything, even sleeping, but he tried to rest at least a little. Delaying his journey wouldn't make things any better.

Laying down, he closed his eyes. He hoped Emil was alright.

* * *

Morning came soon, but not soon enough. Richter was already awake before sunrise, thinking about Emil. The sky was orange and yellow with cotton clouds that looked like they could resemble a number of things. Richter unfortunately wasn't feeling very creative so early in the morning.

 _Is he staring at the sky too? Just like me?_  he wondered.

His stomach growled from the lack of food. He had to eat something before he continued on with journey or else he would collapse in the middle of nowhere. From his bag he got a small sack filled with gels, but he also discovered something else. Something he didn't remember packing. It was a small rectangular box, secured with a tightly knotted piece of cloth. He took it out of the bag, curious what could be inside of it.

Only one way to find out.

After getting rid of the cloth Richter lifted the upper part of the box. He was surprised to find a fully prepared meal with various cooked ingredients. Everything was cut into shapes, from tiny rabbits to flowers. It was definitely made by Emil, but why? Richter didn't understand why Emil would go out of his way to make a meal for him after how uncaring he had been.

But he was happy- so happy, words weren't enough to describe it. And he would be even happier once he was back with Emil, with the person he belonged to.


	9. Love Lies

It was a rainy day. Richter was sitting in the library, legs crossed and a book in his hand. His seat was next to the window so he could hear the raindrops splashing against the glass, but he didn't look outside even once. His book was too engrossing.

He didn't normally read so casually, but he finally got the chance to read for his enjoyment instead of having to conduct research. And honest to god, Richter had always been a bookworm. Before he got to Sybak he was reading books like his life depended on it. Many half-elves shared that characteristic, but no one he'd met read more avidly than him. Once he started reading he would not put the book down until he finished.

"Master Richter!"

Or maybe not. Richter sighed and looked up to see Aqua.

"What?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

She was blushing profoundly and not even trying to hide it. Her obvious crush on him was admittedly annoying and Richter knew she was going to ask his opinion on something she had or didn't have. He wasn't in the mood for any of that, but he let her speak. His silence was the sign of approval Aqua needed.

"What do you look for in a partner?"

"I prefer to travel alone."

"No, I mean like a lover. Your significant other."

The question became clearer after Aqua added a specification. Richter had a feeling where the conversation was headed and while he expected a topic of the sort, he found Aqua's way of putting it abnormally bashful. She was always gushing over him without shame, but she seemed embarrassed to ask him what she had to do to become the perfect wife for him.

Richter put his book down on the small table next to his chair. Love was not on his list of topics to discuss with anyone, but he knew why Aqua was so persistent in getting him to talk about it. Somehow it was impossible to convince her that they could never work. He'd tried, many times.

"I don't concern myself with inconveniences," he answered. "And I consider love a great inconvenience."

"As expected, Master Richter, you're so cool!" Aqua was doing it again: acting obsessed and oblivious. She didn't even seem to care that Richter was opposing the idea of falling in love. "But there must have some picture of the ideal wife in mind."

"I really don't. Never even thought about it."

"Then do it now. Just think, Master Richter. What kind of person would you fall in love with?"

The question was simple enough, but the answer wasn't. As someone who had never been in a relationship Richter didn't have any idea on what to think of. He was used to getting by on his own and only had Aqua tag along with him because she knew more about Ratatosk. He was an independent man, strong and smart.

That wasn't entirely true. He had depended on another person before. Someone who was curious yet highly intelligent and wasn't afraid to take risks. The only human that really treated him like an equal. And that was what he wanted. He didn't need a clingy housewife who would cook him meals and demand attention from him all the time. He needed someone who understood and respected him.

_Someone like Aster._

Richter never understood what his feelings for Aster meant. They had been through a lot together, at the research facility and their journey. Aster was a brilliant man with a kind heart, but he was strong-willed too. It was thanks to him that they found their way to the Ginnungagap. And it was his determination that became the death of him.

The rain wasn't as soothing anymore. It reminded him of how alone he felt without his companion. Aster was like the sun, bright and full of energy, something that Richter lacked. His positivity kept their journey bearable and while Aqua was energetic too, she could never replace him. She tried, but it wasn't enough.

Aqua was starting to get worried when her master didn't give her an answer. She knew that pained look in his eyes all too well.

"Master Richter?"

Richter looked at her, but without letting his emotions shine through.

"I told you I don't care about love," he said.

"But you were..."

There was a pause when Aqua struggled to find the right words to describe. It gave Richter the chance to interrupt her and take over the conversation.

"I realised there is no perfect wife for me. There are several things that I would gladly invest my time in, but a relationship that is doomed to fail is not one of them. I'm not a lover, Aqua. I'll never fall in love."

_Never again._

Aqua didn't know what to say. Whenever they talked she usually had some kind of response ready, but she wasn't prepared to deal with the pessimism of her beloved master. He was hiding something from her. Something that he wanted to keep to himself, even if it hurt. She didn't want him to keep his feelings bottled up, but there was nothing she could do.

She had a feeling why he was so upset. The reason why she was with him now was because he was blinded with hatred for Ratatosk after he killed Aster right before his very eyes. That urge to seek vengeance, it was out of love. Maybe it wasn't the romantic type of love she meant or maybe it was, but it was definitely love.

It was a sign for her. If Richter was able to hold someone dear and risk his life to avenge them, he did have love to give. And she was going to get it, no matter what it took. She'd show him how to love again.


	10. Sides

Emil tugged at the scarf around his neck with the greatest discomfort while he approached the redhead standing by the door of their room. They were spending another night at an inn together to get some rest before their journey began. And while he was supposed to have many other things on his mind, something specific was keeping Emil occupied.

He was sure Richter could give him answers, because he was a smart guy. Possibly the smartest guy Emil had ever met. But by the goddess of Martel, it was so hard to ask him a simple question!

The wind blew past the window, creating a creepy, howling sound. It sounded like ghosts had surrounded the building. That didn't make Emil any less nervous, but he knew at that point nothing would. Once he got the question out everything was going to get better.

_Here goes nothing._

"Richter, do you have a moment?"

"Depends on what you need from me. If it's got something to do with my quest, you already know more than you should."

"No, it's actually about something else entirely."

Richter was about to reach for the doorknob, but lowered his arm. He was listening closely to Emil without looking at him.

"What is it?"

"When I first ran into Alice, Marta called her a sadist. I didn't know what that meant. Tenebrae said it's someone who enjoys hurting others, but whenever I use that word people are giving me these disapproving looks and I'm not sure why. Is there a hidden meaning to the word 'sadist'?"

With his arms crossed, Richter turned around. "You're asking me?"

Emil shrugged and smiled sheepishly. He didn't understand why it was such a big deal, but Richter's response hinted that there was more to the word than he knew of. It had to be something pretty bad.

Since Richter didn't answer, he probed a bit more. "Is it a forbidden word?"

The redhead sighed, running a hand through his long red hair. "I wouldn't say forbidden. Inappropriate is a better description for it."

"Inappropriate?" Emil's face flushed when he repeated what Richter said.  _Man, I thought I would feel much better once I asked the question, but now I'm even more embarrassed than before! What does he mean by inappropriate? Does he mean as in... sexual?_

"Those who are labelled sadists take pleasure in the pain of others. It arouses them."

Emil's lips quivered before he pursed them together. He couldn't decide if he wanted to keep his mouth shut or ask Richter for a more telling explanation. It was odd how intrigued he was with the meaning of an indecent word.

"Are you a sadist, Richter?"

Richter cocked his brow. "What?"

When Emil realised he had blurted out the first thing on his mind, he clasped his hand over his mouth and turned away. _  
_

_That isn't what I wanted to say! What has gotten into me? Am I a pervert?_

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ask that."

If looks could kill, Emil would've died from the way Richter glared at him. His blood ran cold when the redhead approached and he scampered backwards, but he soon found out that he couldn't go any further. Richter had him trapped like a mouse.

It didn't stop there. He kept coming closer. And closer. So close that there was next to no space between them. Emil's heart was pounding away like he was about to be killed. Richter's face was close, his stance firm and his arms against the wall. He had literally cornered Emil.

"Does it excite you?" His voice was raw. "Me acting like a sadist, would that excite you?"

The words got stuck in Emil's throat. Suddenly Richter was being so dangerous. So dominant. He was always like that, but not in the same way. Not like this. It brought forth something Emil couldn't describe, like it unleashed something inside him.

He shivered when Richter whispered to him.

"Would you like it if I hurt you?"

_Yes... no... I don't know! What the hell is wrong with me? I guess I really am a pervert. And why is Richter acting this way, just to tease me? Is this all just a game?_

"Stop, please." he begged weakly. "This is too much."

"For now, perhaps." Richter lowered his arms and stepped back. "But you shouldn't confuse one feeling with another. There may be a side of you that you didn't know existed and that's ok. It will come to light once you get out of your shell."

Emil's heart finally started to calm down. It still puzzled him how a question about the meaning of a word could lead to this awkward experience and he made a mental note to himself to think twice before asking Richter anything. Because he wasn't to only one with a darker side to him.

But looking on the bright side, at least he learned the real meaning behind the word "sadist". And he was sure he would not forget it.


	11. Herbs

It all started after their visit to the Camberto caves. After Emil found out that Richter liked herbs he borrowed every cookbook from the library that had recipes with herbs. He tried them out one by one on his journey with Marta, who didn't understand his sudden obsession with herbs. Primarily because of the sour face he made whenever he ate one of the experimental dishes. He loathed the bitter aftertaste more than Marta's cooking.

But still he carried on, until he had tried out every recipe at least once. He even asked Marta which tasted best to her, because he was too poor of a judge on that matter. He even kept a list of her opinions on the different dishes. Richter's tastes wouldn't be identical to hers, but even a little bit of overlap would suffice.

Emil knew it was wrong to use Marta as a guinea pig. She didn't mind it, even thought he was doing it for her, to keep her healthy. And that gave Emil the feeling that he was leading her on. While she denied having feelings for him, he knew there was still love in her heart for him.

His heart did not beat in sync with hers. It belonged to someone whom he was trying to protect Marta from. Although Richter's intentions seemed bad, Emil had faith in him. He really wanted to befriend him and learn more about why he wanted to destroy Ratatosk the "demon lord" (as Richter called him). Maybe if he understood his motives he could help him change his mind. Then they didn't have to be enemies anymore.

Before they finally got to that part he'd have to do whatever it took to make Richter like him more, and he would. He'd have every foul flavour of those herbs on his tongue if that was what he needed to do and when he thought of Richter, that awful taste might become a little more bearable.


	12. Kindness

Since the beginning of their journey Richter had seen Emil grow. The once timid boy who was too afraid to speak up became strong-willed, courageous and wasn't afraid to let himself be heard. He was becoming a man, as many would say. Or maybe he was just becoming less of a dog.

But there were sides of Emil that didn't change. The many battles and hardships had not made him lose his kindness. Even when they were attacked by vicious beasts who threatened to rip them to shreds, Emil would show mercy when no one else would. He would heal the monsters they fought if they were injured. He would help a baby monster get back to its mother and even make it food if it was hungry.

It was hard to believe that Emil and Ratatosk were the same person. But perhaps Ratatosk was kinder than Richter thought, just not to humans and half-elves. He would never know, because he was the person Ratatosk hated more than anyone.

Emil was the opposite though. He admired Richter, looked up to him, tried to make him proud. All the nasty things Ratatosk said to the redhead became meaningless once red eyes turned green again. Emil was too kind, even to the ones who hurt him, and that kindness made Richter not want to hurt him anymore. If only he wasn't trapped in Aster's body with that summon spirit.

Richter sighed, opened his eyes and looked around him. He had been resting at the camp they'd set up to spend the night while Emil was preparing a meal, but when he saw the unused pile of firewood he confirmed that Emil wasn't around.

_Where did he run off to this time? He better not have gotten himself into trouble._

Taking his weapons, he got on his feet. His eyes searched the ground for any tracks, like footsteps in the dirt or trampled grass, and he found some evidence that Emil had gone into the forest by himself. He fought back a growl and followed the trail, leaving their camp unattended. There was nothing of value to be stolen. And even if there was, he found Emil's safety far more important.

The trail led him deeper and deeper into the forest, until there was no visible path leading back to the camp. But it was too early to be worrying about finding his way back. He had to make sure that Emil was ok first. He listened closely to every sound, followed every movement attentively, only to find he was being followed by some curious rabbits and other small monsters. There didn't seem to be any danger lurking about, but he wouldn't be completely reassured until he had found his companion.

Richter almost got a heart attack when he heard something somewhere nearby and then cursed out loud as he realised it was just a twig snapping under his weight. He normally wasn't so jumpy, but not knowing where Emil was made him nervous. Maybe even a little scared.

 _If he saw me like this he wouldn't think I'm cool anymore,_  Richter thought.  _Damn, where could he be? We still got plenty of firewood so he couldn't have gone away to fetch more, but why else would he leave without saying anything?  
_

_Emil... I swear, you gotta have a damn good reason to worry me like this..._

He proceeded to follow the trail, but it was growing faint and hard to find. Soon he found himself in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and bushes that all looked exactly the same. The grass was so tall it reached all the way to his knees, making it easy for monsters to hide.

And still Emil was nowhere to be seen.

Now Richter was really starting to get worried. The sun was going down and night would soon fall, which was only going to make it harder for him to find Emil. He had to hurry before it was too dark to see anything.

"Emil?" he asked. When he got no response, he tried again, speaking louder this time. "Emil, can you hear me?"

There was only silence.

"Dammit! Emil, are you there? Answer me!"

The calling eventually turned into yelling as Richter became more desperate. He didn't even notice the sheer fear in his voice as he repeated the blond's name over and over again. His heart was beating so loud he could barely hear anything else.

"Emil!"

_Don't do this to me. Please just give me a sign. Anything!_

"Emil!"

_I can't lose you like I lost Aster. Please!_

"Emil!"

"Richter?"

The sound of Emil's voice made Richter's heart stop. He turned around, his eyes growing wide when he saw the boy stand by a tree in the distance. He was so relieved that Emil was alright that he couldn't resist smiling. Quickly as he could, he approached him.

"I was looking for you." His voice was still shaking a little, but he sounded calm enough.

"Yes, I heard that. You were yelling my name rather loudly."

Richter adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, embarrassed by the remark. "I saw you weren't at the camp while you said you were going to make us dinner, so I decided to go find you. You know, to make sure you weren't attacked by a monster."

"You were worried about me?"

 _Of course I was, you idiot!_ "Can you blame me? This wouldn't be the first time you ran off and got yourself into some kind of mess." _  
_

At that, Emil laughed and scratched his head. "I guess that's true, but I didn't get into any trouble this time. I needed some mushrooms for a new recipe, so I went into the forest to get some. Except... I ran into a young chirpee that had fallen out of its nest and I couldn't just leave it there, so it took a bit longer than I'd planned."

 _So he did get me all worked up for nothing,_ Richter thought. He was glad Emil wasn't hurt, but it was humiliating to realise he had been worrying about the kid when he was only out there to find some stupid mushrooms. _  
_

"Next time you need ingredients, just tell me," he said. "I could've helped you look for them."

"Well, uh... I didn't want to bother you." Emil's cheeks got a little redder as he said this. It was hard not to find him adorable, but Richter tried not to let it show.

"Whatever. Let's head back, I wanna find out if that recipe is worth the trouble."

Emil smiled and followed Richter back to where they came from, carrying the big brown mushrooms in his hands. Having Richter worry about him made him happy, so he was glad he had decided to go on a mushroom hunt on his own. Next time though, he wanted them to go together.


	13. Spinning

Richter watched the blood stain his shirt. He put his hand over the open wound to stop the bleeding, but it didn't work. Too weak to use his healing arts to himself, he sat against the wall. Alone. Abandoned.

No, not abandoned. It was his fault he was alone now. He told Aqua to look after Emil while he searched for a secret passage leading to the mausoleum (he was worried Emil might accidentally activate a trap). Then he found it, fell into an opening and got separated from the rest of the party. And as if that wasn't enough, he landed right onto a sharp metal spike that immediately cut open his wound.

Breathing only became harder. He was sucking in as much air as he could, but his lungs kept lacking oxygen. The spike had done more damage than he thought. The pain was indescribable, nothing compared to it. He had suffered from it before several times. It was no different from then. It was still just as painful. Even when he didn't move and tried to breathe through his mouth, it hurt.

His leather glove was now covered in blood too. It seeped through his clothes and slowly painted his purple jacket red. Everything around him was spinning, from the walls to the ceiling to the spikes on the ground. He saw it move in circles around him. Fast. Even faster. It was making him dizzy and nauseous. Black and grey smudges blurred his eyesight and he thought he'd lose consciousness, but everything stayed the same.

It just kept spinning. And spinning.

He thought about death. He had thought about it many times. What happened to Aster made him realise he had never wondered what his purpose was in life. There wasn't much to it, because he was always doing research. Aster just made his life less of a torture. And when he died, a part of Richter died with him. The part of Richter that believed life had a meaning. The only part of him that was happy to be alive.

But Richter was able to find a new purpose in life: avenging Aster by killing the summon spirit Ratatosk, the monster that had killed Aster in cold blood. He wouldn't rest until he had fulfilled his purpose. That promise had he made when he turned Ratatosk to his core state after seeing the murderer at work.

So he couldn't give up yet. He had to fight Ratatosk and kill Marta so that his core couldn't draw life energy from her body anymore. A little blood wasn't going to be stop him. Distorted eyesight couldn't keep him from fighting.

_I can't die here. Not yet._

He saw something that wasn't there before. A living being, either a monster or a human. He, she or it (whatever it was, Richter couldn't see) was spinning along with everything else. Richter tried to watch the unknown passerby, but everything before his eyes was fading to darkness.

Mere moments of pointless staring were lost in the past while he was slipping away. He heard a voice calling his name before he lost consciousness. Aster's voice. No, Emil's voice. There were hard to tell apart, but he heard the difference. Emil found him.

It was too dark to see if the room was still spinning. Emil's voice sounded hollow and got softer until Richter could hear it no more. And then there was nothing.


	14. Mouth

There were many things Emil had learnt during his travels. One of them was that not all mouths were made for speaking. Humans, elves and half-elves were all social creatures, but among them were those who never stopped flapping their lips and those whose voices were rarely heard. He considered himself to be somewhere in the middle, though he enjoyed talking almost as much as cooking.

Richter was more of the silent type. He only spoke when he had to, like when he was asked a question or when he needed to explain something. For the most of their time travelling together, his mouth was closed. Their journeys were often quiet because of that. Emil always tried to lure Richter into talking to him, but those talks were short and Emil was doing most of the talking. It was the harsh reality he just couldn't accept.

Until he discovered something else very recently: Richter was a great kisser.

He remembered their first kiss like it was yesterday. They were travelling across the meadows when a flock of ravens swooped down and attacked them. There were at least five of them, all attacking at the same time, but after a tough battle they were defeated. Emil miraculously ended up with a few mere scratches. Richter was not as lucky, so Emil gave him an apple gel to restore some of his energy.

When he tried to give the gel to Richter, he encountered a problem he'd never had before. The gel had become terribly sticky in his bag. He managed to get it out after some effort, but then the apple flavoured goo was stuck on his fingers! And no matter how hard he tried to peel it off, it just wouldn't work.

But what really took him by surprise was Richter's reaction. When he saw that Emil couldn't get the gel off he took the blond's hand and put his fingers in his mouth. Emil remembered how strange it was to have Richter licking the gel off his fingers. His tongue was rough and hot. It made him feel very warm just thinking about it, though he wasn't sure why. What he did know was that it was one of the weirdest things Richter had ever done to him.

It didn't stop there. After getting all the gel off Emil's hand, Richter had stared at him in silence for a long time. Emil didn't know how to respond, so he just looked right back at him while he felt his cheeks heat up. Then, without a warning, Richter had kissed him. Not his hand, but his lips.

Emil still knew what it was like. Richter's lips were moist and warm, and they tasted like sweet apples. The kiss had been tender, almost timid. Emil didn't know how long it lasted, but to him it felt way too short.

It was by no means a romantic first kiss, but it was a moment Emil could never forget. To this day, he wondered what went through Richter's head right before he kissed him. He was more of a rational person who rarely made hasty decisions because he "felt" like it. Sometimes he said things on impulse when he was mad, but that was it.

Ever since that first time, it had occured more than once that they kissed. Emil was still kind of embarrassed to initiate a kiss, but he was becoming braver and bolder. It was clear that Richter approved of this, because he never objected. They only kissed when there were no other people around and Aqua and Tenebrae would often be sent away so they could have some privacy.

Happy as Emil was with Richter's affections, he needed to get used to it. He needed some time to realise what his relationship with Richter was, because even though they had never expressed it in words, they were most definitely more than companions.

They were in love.


	15. Wide Awake

On a breezy night in late spring, Emil was sitting on a hill under a starry sky. Richter was already sleeping, his body bathed in the light of the campfire. Emil was looking at a different light: the light of the crescent moon. He didn't know why, but he couldn't sleep. He hadn't had any nightmares as of late, not that he could remember anyway, but he just could not get a peaceful night rest.

He eyed the stars, counting them. The next day, they'd head for Sybak to visit Director Schneider. Richter didn't want to tell him why he needed to speak with the director and Emil didn't question him. Getting a chance to tag along with Richter was already enough for him.

Suddenly, Tenebrae appeared next to him.

"What's on your mind?" he asked. His voice was soft, not a whisper, but soft enough not to wake Richter.

"I'm not sure. I think it just feel strange to travel with Richter again."

It was strange. Two months ago he'd returned to the restored world to see Marta and his friends again. After leaving Richter behind at the Ginnungagap he didn't think they'd ever see each other again. And then, after a couple months, he was suddenly back. He was there in Luin on the doorstep to his uncle's and aunt's house, asking for him. Emil couldn't believe his eyes when he saw him and actually needed to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't still dreaming.

Just when his life was starting to get direction, Richter turned it upside down again. Half an hour after Richter showed up they were on another journey, just like before. It was almost like they went back in time. The only difference was that Ratatosk was no longer with them.

"Do you think I could still communicate with him? Ratatosk, I mean."

"That would be unlikely. Lord Ratatosk has chosen to sever his bond with you, making you your own person. You are Emil Castagnier and no one else. The only way to communicate with Lord Ratatosk now would be to speak with him in person, which would require opening the Otherworldly Gate. As you know you that is impossible without the Sorcerer's Ring."

"And I don't have it anymore, so the short answer is that I can't."

"Indeed."

"What about you then, Tenebrae? How come you are still here?"

"We centurions can travel between worlds freely. I will return to my duties when Lord Ratatosk commands it."

Emil smiled at that. He lost count of how many times he'd called Tenebrae spiteful during their journey because of his teasing and nagging, but he was glad to have him back. Tenebrae was always there to listen to him. While he liked to mess around, he could be serious when he needed to be. This was one of those moments.

Tenebrae's tail swished through the grass as he sat on his hind legs. He gazed at the moon while they talked.

"Why did you give the ring to Lady Marta?"

"I thought she would like it as a memento. Now that Ratatosk and I are not the same person anymore she might want something of him to keep the memories alive. She seems to love jewelry too."

Tenebrae chortled. "Lady Marta is a typical lady in that regard. A young maiden in love as well, so you should consider her feelings. How do you think she will respond once she finds out you left Luin without telling her?"

The question made the cogs in Emil's brain turn. His eyes widened.  _I didn't even think of Marta when I left! She must be heartbroken._

"Tenebrae, what should I do? It's too far to walk back to Luin from here. I'll never get back before morning!"

Emil was in such distress that he'd forgotten Richter, who was thankfully still sleeping despite his noisiness.

"You must be grateful that I already told her what happened then," Tenebrae said with a grin.

Realising he was just playing with his emotions again, Emil sighed. Some things never changed, like Tenebrae's bad sense of humour. He was glad Marta knew about it though. It felt wrong to leave her on her own without explaining why. He'd get scolded by her once he got back, that's for sure.

"What did she say?" he asked as he looked at the centurion.

"She wasn't happy with the news, as you'd expect. But it wasn't your sudden departure that angered her. It's because she found out Richter came back and you ran off with him. Lady Marta is having doubts about your feelings for her." _  
_

When Tenebrae said that, Emil began to understand Marta's concern. He hadn't said anything because Richter appeared out of blue, but that made it look like he was choosing Richter over her. She probably felt abandoned by him.

Thinking about his feelings, Emil didn't really know who he loved. Marta had been forcing herself on him since the beginning of their journey, calling him her knight and everything. She got jealous of every other girl who got close to him even when they didn't form a real threat. After the argument they had, she'd begun to act less straightforward and give him some space. That was when he realised she loved him genuinely.

Richter was another case. He and Emil had this odd bond from the moment he taught the blond how to fight, but they had gotten closer over time. It wasn't clear if his feelings for Richter were love or just admiration. Looking up to a man who was smarter, stronger and manlier than him was normal, but that didn't explain why he enjoyed physical contact with him. Sharing beds and cuddling up to each other were not normal things for two guys to be doing.

_Is it because I've gotten used to Marta clinging to me all the time? Could that be why I like getting physical attention from Richter? If that is it then I'm just using Richter when I'm feeling lonely, when there's no one else to give me attention.  
_

_No, that can't be._

"Emil," Tenebrae said. "You can't keep Lady Marta in the dark forever. You must choose."

"..."

"Let me ask you a question. What would make you happier: a kiss from Lady Marta or a kiss from Richter?"

"W-what kind of question is that?" Emil stuttered, blushing.

"Just answer."

They sat besides each other silently for a long time while Emil tried to think of the answer. His cheeks burned when he pictured both options in his head and compared them. Truthfully, kissing anyone was weird and embarrassing. But depending on who it was with, it made him feel differently. He would never feel the same way about kissing Marta and kissing Richter.

That was when he realised choosing wasn't as hard as he thought. His feelings were actually very clear. He just hadn't sat down and thought about it before.

"I would pick Richter," he responded.

Tenebrae closed his eyes, nodding his head. After that he disappeared into a black puff of smoke and it was like the conversation between them never happened. Emil knew better though. He was glad to have talked to Tenebrae about it. It might make it easier to tell Marta the truth too.

He suddenly felt tired, like he could fall asleep any moment. So he sneaked back to the camp to get some rest, smiling when he saw Richter sleeping peacefully. When he lay down next to him, he gazed up at the stars again.

_Thank you, Tenebrae._

Only mere seconds later he drifted off to sleep.


	16. Anew

Palmacosta. The largest city in Sylvarant and the only city where they dared to rebel against the Desians. It was a fascinating place to be for someone interested in the history of Sylvarant, but Richter wasn't there for that. Honest to Martel, he didn't know why he was there. His curiosity had lured him to the city. He couldn't recall passing through the city on his journey with Aster, but he was sure his friend would've loved to see it. The whole city was surrounded by the ocean, allowing for a clear view of the horizon.

It was calming, completely different from the fortress-like Sybak where he and Aster used to do research. They were trapped between concrete walls there. Here, there were no boundaries. He would need a boat to cross the ocean, but even while knowing that it felt like nothing could stop him.

Richter thought he knew what freedom felt like. Apparently he was wrong.

Watching the gentle waves was supposed to be soothing and it probably would've been if it didn't remind him of his dead friend so much. Aster always managed to see beauty in everything - beauty that was often overlooked by most other researchers. They only had eyes for what they were looking for, something that helped them progress, but he would stop and take a moment to look around him. He was a better teacher than any professor Richter had ever met.

Though it was a happy memory, knowing that he was no longer around made Richter's heart ache. He wanted to move on, but everything reminded him of Aster somehow. His death still felt so unreal. He was a kind and pure soul who deserved to live a long and happy life. It wasn't fair.

But Richter knew he had to try to accept it. Back at the Ginnungagap, only seconds after Ratatosk had killed Aster, he was resolute on getting his revenge. He almost accepted a deal with the demons of Niflheim that would grant him the power he needed to eliminate Ratatosk once and for all. Almost. What had stopped him, he wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Aster's voice in his head. He couldn't remember what he'd heard exactly. He didn't even know if it was real or just his imagination. In any case, it'd been convincing enough to make him give up on his plan to avenge Aster's death.

He still wondered if he had made the right decision then. Allowing the murderer to roam free (to a certain extent) without even trying to take any action against him... it didn't seem like the right thing to do. It didn't feel right either, but he knew what Aster would say. Aster wouldn't want him to risk his life to avenge him. He didn't believe in revenge.

Thus Richter tried to do what Aster would've wanted from him: start a new life somewhere far away from the Research Academy. He was travelling from city to city, getting a good idea of what each place had to offer, and somehow ended up here. He had never cared for living near the ocean (he actually loathed the smell of fish), but the city of Palmacosta surprised him in many ways. While it was often considered the capital of Sylvarant, it was not at all crowded or noisy. Fishermen and sailors could be seen at the pier, minding their own business. A few people walked around the city square and looked at him as they passed him by. They seemed intimidated by him.

He was attracting too much attention. He needed to go somewhere instead of just standing around.

_The sun is going down. Maybe I should find a place to spend the night, there must be an inn in such a large city._

Richter looked around him and saw a small sign in the distance, but he couldn't read it from that far away. It hung from what appeared to be a pub. He knew pubs and taverns were good places to get information about the town or city, so he started walking towards the building. As he came closer, the carved out letters on the sign became readable. The pub offered travelers a room on the top floor. It wasn't ideal, but for one night it would suffice.

When he entered the pub, there was only a small group of people inside. Elderly men sat at the wooden tables with a glass of whatever they served - Richter was no expert on alcohol - chortling and shouting incoherently. They didn't even look his way when he opened the door. With how loud they were being, they may not have heard him come in at all.

Someone was watching him though, Richter felt their stare. He let his gaze wander towards the bar and saw a young man there, looking his way. His breath caught in his throat when he recognised the bartender.

_...Aster?_

It couldn't be. Aster was gone forever, Richter was right beside him when he died. This had to be some sick mind trick.

But as he continued to stare, he realised it was not just an illusion. The bartender did look exactly like Aster, with the same vanilla blond hair and green eyes. Even his smile was the same. Richter was a bit skeptical to believe that Aster had come back to life, but he couldn't think of another explanation.

Slowly he approached the bartender, avoiding the drunkards leaning back on their stools. When he had made his way through, he put one arm on the bar and looked the young man in the eye again.

"Hi."

"Hello! Welcome to Skipper's Haven! I haven't seen you around here before. Are you new in Palmacosta?"

The bartender's voice was identical to Aster's. His way of speaking was strikingly similar too. He appeared to have forgotten that he was supposed to sell drinks instead of chatting with a stranger, but Richter wasn't going to object.

"Just passing through," he told him. "This is my first time coming here and I am still looking for a place to sleep. Do you happen to have a room available?"

"Sure thing! Will you be staying here alone?"

"Yes."

"Alright, that'll be 100 gald."

While Richter got the money from his bag, the bartender walked to the back to retrieve the key to his room. He returned a couple seconds later and handed over the key once the room had been paid for. Richter put the key away for the time being.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" the bartender said suddenly. "I need your name to finalise the check-in."

"Richter Abend."

His name was written down in a guest book. Richter noticed that the bartender had very neat handwriting, like the one he saw on the notes Aster used to write at the Research Academy. Everything pointed to the theory that the bartender was Aster, but if he was he would've recognised his former research partner. Unless... he lost his memory.

 _No, that can't be real,_ Richter thought. His ability to think rationally had deteriorated because of Aster's death, so his theory was only what he wanted to believe. Nothing or no one could have brought Aster back to life. The bartender had to be a doppelganger. Aster once told him that everyone had a person somewhere in the world who looked identitical to them, but Richter had never believed that until now.

He wasn't aware that he'd been staring at the bartender the entire time.

"Uh, is there something else I can help you with?"

Richter snapped out of it and noticed the awkward smile on the bartender's face. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat and pushed up his glasses with two fingers.

"I was just thinking about something," he replied. "Thank you for the keys, err..."

"Emil!"

"Thank you, Emil."

"Please enjoy your stay, mister Abend." The bartender smiled again, but in a friendly way this time.

Hearing how formally Emil addressed him, Richter couldn't resist smiling back.

"Just call me Richter," he said. It appeared that coming to Palmacosta did have a purpose after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emil exists, because Ratatosk still has to regain his powers. The Vanguard doesn't exist and the Blood Purge never happened.
> 
> Did you know there's a manga arc about Aster, Emil and Richter? It goes a bit more into Richter's past with Aster and his quest to avenge him. If you search "Onshuu no Richter" you'll find it. There are English scanlations available.


	17. Wood

Morning had come. Richter was already awake and ready to go downstairs for breakfast, but he didn't feel hungry. Not when he looked to the side to see that Emil was still sleeping soundly. His appetite was suddenly gone. He was only interested in examining the young man, who was facing him. His expression was neutral, his breathing soft and even. Some of his blond hair covered his eyes, moving very slightly with every breath. The blanket had slipped off his bare shoulder. Richter considered moving it back, but he didn't want to wake him.

It wasn't the first time he watched Emil sleep. He usually woke up early, because half-elves didn't need as much sleep as humans. But this time they were sharing a bed, so he was able to see it more clearly without having to act like a stalker and sneak up to Emil's bed. Not that he would ever do that. Only a creep would do such a thing.

He was glad to see Emil looking so peacefully in his sleep. The nightmares about being killed by Richter reoccurred from time to time, but it didn't look like Emil was having one currently. If he did, there would be a lot of writhing and rushed breathing involved. Richter felt partly responsible for the nightmares so he always tried to wake Emil up and calm him down, but he also blamed Ratatosk. The nightmares were supposed to be exclusively his, not Emil's.

Another lock of hair slid down Emil's head to rest in front of his nose. Richter could see his nose twitch when he breathed in and figured the hair was tickling his nostrils. He held back a chuckle as he reached forward to carefully brush the hair out of his face, disregarding his previous decision not to touch him.

Emil stirred, but didn't wake up. Apparently he was a heavy sleeper.

Ideas popped up in Richter's brain, ideas of things he could do to Emil while he was sleeping. He was starting to think like a pervert and he didn't like that. Having sexual fantasies about the demon lord, the psychopath who murdered Aster, was just disgusting. It was already hard enough for him to accept the feelings he had for Emil on a romantic level. He didn't want to let it go any further than that.

But the ideas would not go away and even more came when Emil let out a sound that Richter could only interpret as a moan. It only happened because he rolled onto his back. That didn't stop Richter's brain and body from responding though.

_It was nothing indecent. There is no reason to get excited about this. For Martel's sake, get it together!_

Because he had just woken up, Richter was more sensitive to any type of stimulation. With the vivid images in his head that stimulation wasn't going away anytime soon. Thus, he was facing a dilemma.

He had the option to take care of it himself, but if Emil happened to open his eyes and see him he would die of shame. The bathrooms in the inn were shared with other guests, so he couldn't go there unless he took the risk of someone seeing the tent in his pants. Obviously he wasn't going to let that happen.

Touching Emil while he was asleep would be harassment, something he did not want to be remembered for. He didn't know if Emil even wanted to be touched by him that way. They had done a few things like cuddling and kissing, but nothing more than that.

 _A kiss,_  Richter thought.  _That isn't so bad. Emil wouldn't mind me stealing one, would he?_

Nothing made sense to Richter anymore. All he knew was that he craved something physical and a kiss was the most innocent thing he could think of. He leaned closer slowly, holding his long hair back so it wouldn't get in the way. When their lips touched he closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling more. They didn't kiss that much, but when they did it felt like he was lost in a dream.

But that dream quickly turned into a nightmare when Emil moaned again. It immediately ruined the chances Richter had to get control over his dirty mind. He pulled back, cursing and looking down.

_Dammit! How was I stupid enough to think that was a good idea?_

He should've known that kissing Emil wouldn't kill his boner, but the moans caught him off-guard. Emil was generally timid, so making sexually arousing sounds almost seemed out of character for him. That rule didn't seem to apply to sleeping Emil, who had no problem torturing Richter.

There was nothing that could be done to fix Richter's problem at that point. Emil could wake up any moment and Richter had the most obvious boner possible. He cursed again before he lay back down, pretending to be asleep. If Emil brought it up, he'd just try to make him believe it was a bad case of morning wood. Nothing more.

That plan was doomed to fail.


	18. Curiosity

Finding safe passage through the Balacruf Mausoleum was a challenge on its own. Every corridor seemed to be secured with some kind of deathly trap. Monsters lurked around every corner, coming in different shapes and sizes. Puzzles and riddles slowed the journey down and made the party more vulnerable to surprise attacks. Someone or something really wanted to keep people out. Badly.

But they had gotten through it all up until this point. With Richter's wits and Ratatosk's powers every obstacle in their way was taken care of. The walls held no secrets anymore. The Balacruf Tombstone would soon be in their hands and then they could finally leave that dreaded place.

They were not a bad team, Richter and Ratatosk. The battles against monsters went smoothly, taking only a short time. Richter barely needed to use his healing artes too. Ratatosk looked careless on the battlefield, but he knew how to use the enemy's weaknesses to his advantage. His fighting skills and quick reflexes were impressive to say the least.

Both Emil and Ratatosk were impressed by Richter as well, but Emil was the only one who ever praised him. Ratatosk gave him half-assed compliments that were instantly thrown back at him. Richter didn't care what he thought of him. Questing together was going to be a one time thing, so he only had to put up with Ratatosk's company for a short time.

He picked up the pace as he saw another inscription on the wall. A torch stood next to it, but it wasn't lit.

"Emil, can you get me some light over here?"

"Sure!"

Pointing the Sorcerer's Ring at the torch, Emil let bright orange flames appear. It provided just enough light to read the inscription. Before he read it, Richter looked at him with a ghost of a smile.

"Thank you."

Emil blushed and tried to say something back, but he stuttered too much for anything intelligible to come out of his mouth. He just read along with Richter in silence, trying to figure out what the words on the wall meant. He was sure Richter already knew.

"This must be about those coloured windmills upstairs."

"Yes. It's the final hint we needed. Emil, get to that device over there and switch the ring's element to air again. We need to get those windmills blowing in the right order."

Richter stayed on the lookout for monsters while Emil got to the spinning device. Talking to Emil was much easier than talking to Ratatosk. For one, he actually listened to what Richter had to say. He also didn't badmouth any of his ideas. One of the few things Emil did that annoyed Richter was overapologising, but it wasn't as bad as dealing with the continuous tantrums of Ratatosk.

The two of them met at the doorway to the next room, where they proceeded together. The five big bright-coloured windmills were still not moving when they entered. The room was warmer, but Emil felt a draft. There had to be a secret passage somewhere.

"Have you figured out the order?" he asked Richter, who stood beside him.

"I think so. I just hope this room isn't booby trapped. Let's do this one step at a time."

Emil nodded, holding his fist out in front of him. He waited for Richter to say a colour and then used the Sorcerer's Ring to send a gust of wind over to the right windmill.

It didn't activate any traps. It didn't seem to do anything at all.

"Richter, are you sure this is the right order?" Emil asked after activating the fourth.

"You need to have patience. These old puzzles have to be solved completely before we can go any further. The moment you want to quit is when you know you're really close."

"If you say so..."

Knowledge like that didn't come from nowhere. Richter must have seen a load of ancient technology and mysteries during his journey with Aster, possibly even more complex than anything inside the Balacruf Mausoleum. Emil was no more than an amateur puzzle solver compared to Richter.

Only one windmill was left, but Emil didn't use his ring right away. He waited for Richter to confirm his next action.

"The blue one should be last."

When Emil got the blue windmill in the centre spinning, a bright green light shone through the grooves in the floor. They heard a sound of something being released, like stone walls were getting pushed out of the way. An opening revealed itself at the wall on the other end of the room, a staircase leading upwards.

"It worked!" Emil exclaimed enthusiastically. He stepped forward to get to the stairs, but Richter put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Something is wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"We're not that far underground. The Balacruf Tombstone should be kept deeper inside, but those stairs probably lead back to the surface."

Richter was right. They had to get past so many traps just to get to this room, it was unlikely that the item they were looking for was hidden outside. He didn't see any other ways to get deeper into the Balacruf Mausoleum though.

While Emil was lost in thought, Richter walked around the room to examine everything. He placed a hand on the walls to feel for something out of place, looked for deviations in the pattern on the floor and listened intently. Nothing caught his interest aside from the light shining through the floor around the windmills. With the door already open it didn't make much sense that the floor was still glowing.

"Unless..."

Emil just barely caught him mumbling. He glanced at him and cocked his head.

"Did you say something?"

Out of nowhere Richter began to stomp around the room. Small pieces of stone came off the walls and fell down with a crumbling sound. It didn't look like that scared the half-elf in any way. The stomping only intensified as he explored every corner.

Emil wasn't nearly as calm as him.

"Wait, s-stop! If you keep doing that, the room will collapse!"

"It takes more than a little stomping around to bring these walls down," Richter assured him. "These ruins have survived many natural disasters, including earthquakes. They were built to last for ages, to preserve the treasures that have been hidden here long ago."

"Like the Balacruf Tombstone?"

Richter nodded. "I believe there might be another area below us. The floor makes a hollow sound at the centre. That could mean there's another passage there, but I have no idea how we can get down."

"Maybe there's a switch somewhere?"

"Not that I've noticed."

"Why don't we check what's upstairs? There could be another clue or the entrance to another part of the ruins."

The suggestion didn't come from wanting to gain access to the lower area. It came from curiosity. Emil just couldn't shake the feeling something special was waiting for them at the top of that staircase. Even if it wouldn't help them in their search to find the item they were looking for, he wanted to go up there and see. After his quest with Richter was done, the chance of him ever returning to the Balacruf Mausoleum would be small. This may be the only opportunity he got.

But letting his curiosity guide him had caused some trouble before and dragging Richter into that was the last thing he wanted. What if there was another deadly trap upstairs? What if one of them got badly injured, or worse? That staircase could be a distraction to throw them off course and keep the treasure safe.

While he was struggling to make a decision he didn't notice Richter walking over to the staircase.

"I see light at the top. Sunlight from the looks of it."

That confirmed his suspicions of it leading outside. He waited for a response from Emil, but didn't get any. Confused, he turned around to see the thoughtful look in his eyes. A number of things could have been going on in Emil's mind. Richter assumed he was trying to think of a good reason to get off track and explore the uncovered passage.

He sighed. Sometimes there was just no arguing with the guy.

"Do you really want to go up there?" he asked, peering over his glasses.

Emil focused on him as a look of surprise found way to his face.

"You'd be ok with that?"

"Well, I'm convinced there's nothing there that can help us, not with finding a way into the passage at least, but taking a look wouldn't hurt as long as we watch our step. And it sounds like you have an irresistible desire to go up there."

No point in lying. Though Emil was embarrassed that he was so easy to read, he didn't put much effort in making his curiosity any less obvious.

"I kinda wanna know what's there..."

"Kinda?"

"Ok, I **really** wanna know."

Richter hummed. "We've met a dead end here anyway, so I suppose we could investigate. You'll have to stay behind me though. We can't have you going around triggering more traps."

"H-hey! I didn't do it on purpose!"

"I know that, but I also know how clumsy you can be... and careless, especially when Ratatosk gets a hold of you. Trust me, it will be safer for the both of us."

Blunt. Richter could be so blunt, but he made a good point. Emil had very little control over his feet, or arms, or any part of his body for that matter. Even less control did he have over the lord of all monsters, whom he shared his body with. Ratatosk's actions were about as predictable as, well, there wasn't anything to compare it to. They were just unpredictable.

At least he had been able to persuade Richter. That alone exceeded his expectations.

He smiled.

"Let's go then! After you."

And so he followed Richter up the stairs, impatient to see what was there at the end. Finally Richter was allowing him to satisfy his curiosity. Now he hoped it was worth the wait.


	19. Defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After that last oneshot I wanted to write another about an infamous battle at the Balacruf Mausoleum, so here it is. Prepare for blood and curse words.

Jumping back to dodge the enemy's attack, Ratatosk wiped his mouth clean with the back of his hand. The blood was quickly absorbed by the magical fabric of his glove. He glared daggers at the bright red bird monster before him. It was being distracted by Richter, but even he couldn't keep blocking and dodging its attacks forever.

"Dammit! What the hell is that bird's problem? Just die already!"

Their journey through the Balacruf Mausoleum had resulted into a battle with a phoenix. It didn't seem like a big deal at first, but they soon found out that it was much stronger than any other monster they had run into there. To make things worse, the phoenix was getting help from were bears and igniters, also way above the average level of the other monsters in that area.

A great portion of the gels Emil had been saving up went lost in the battle, as well as seven life bottles. They were able to defeat the bears and igniters with the help of their healing items, but just barely. Richter's water elemental artes would have been effective if he had time to cast them, which was impossible while the monsters were targeting him. Now that only the phoenix was left he could at least attempt to use his spells.

The monsters in their party were no match for their powerful opponent. They were passed out on the battlefield, again, despite their desperate attempts to protect themselves and each other. Ratatosk wanted to revive them, but Richter had told him not to waste even more life bottles. All of the monsters Emil had made a pact with were underleveled compared to the phoenix. It was just two versus one now.

"Watch out!" Richter yelled, short of breath. The neverending battle had worn him out.

Ratatosk wasn't fast enough as the phoenix swooped down raked its claws over his chest. His hand shot up to the fresh wound as he winced, cursing as the pain cut through him. The claws didn't dig deep enough to cause fatal injury, but it hurt like hell either way. He stumbled backwards to get out of the monster's range.

But the phoenix went after him, its big wings flapping loudly as it approached once more. It let out a battle cry as it charged its next attack. Then, it came spinning through the air with a drill peck, aiming its sharp beak at Ratatosk. Too weakened to evade the attack he shielded himself with his sword, preparing himself for the worst.

Sparks flew from the blade as the beak of the monster collided with his sword. The impact pushed him back so hard that he lost his footage and fell. A scream of pain escaped him when he landed on his already injured shoulder. It hurt so badly that his vision temporarily turned to black. He tried to get up, but his limbs wouldn't move.

"Emil!" Richter's voice got louder as he ran towards him. "I don't have enough mana left to use my healing artes. It's impossible to win the battle like this. We have to flee."

Ratatosk would have argued against it had he been strong enough to speak. Running away was something only cowards did. Cowards like his other self, and apparently Richter. He would have ridiculed him, but instead he just allowed himself to be dragged off the altar.

Thankfully the monster did not pursue when they tried to get away. It just kept watching them from a distance while Richter searched Emil's bag for an orange gel. He found one, hurriedly put it in his mouth and swallowed it in one go. A circle of bright light surrounded him as he started to cast his spell. The words were followed by a brief silence as the mana coursed through his body.

"Heal!"

For a split second, blue light illuminated the wounds on Emil's body. The gashes on his arms and legs stopped bleeding as they slowly turned into scars. It looked quite ugly still. Richter knew already that it would take months before it'd have fully recovered.

"This will have to do for now," he said.

Red eyes examined the scars, then looked up.

"We could have beaten that thing," Ratatosk said.

"You sound very confident for someone who almost died. That 'thing' nearly killed you there and you know that just as much as I do. Running away was the right thing to do. Some battles just cannot be won."

Ratatosk turned his head to the side with a scoff, but he said nothing. The day he admitted Richter was right would be the day hell freezes over. To hear such a statement from the person who initially "killed" him was ironic. While Richter had saved him this time he couldn't forgive him for what happened at the Ginnungagap.

He would prove that nothing and nobody could defeat him. Once he had regained his powers, that phoenix was going down. And that damned half-elf was going to meet a fate worse than death.


End file.
